Ode to my Cigarette.

Kurt Vonnegut described smoking [pall Malls] as a classy way of committing suicide.

Most people forget why they started smoking in the first place or why they continue to do so because if you ask them, they'll almost definitely say that they don't feel the kick anymore.

Maybe it's Physiological, maybe its Psychological, maybe it's neither, but they do feel good to smoke.

As for me, I feel that the reason I smoke is definitely psychological in nature.
Here I describe how I feel when I smoke, feel free to close the window if you don't feel like reading this.

Ode:

I had just found out that my one little dream had been shot down
shot down even before it had a chance to lift off of the ground.
Squashed like a wingless insect.
My sister; is in the living room
she's watching some crap on the television.
I have to smoke a cigarette, that would calm me down,
help me overcome another devastating setback.
I lock my room, get into the loo.
I feel safe away from people.
There is no draft no breeze,
the surroundings silent from the lack of any kind of motion.
It was serene and calm.
I moved slowly to avoid disturbing the tranquility of the air.
I see myself in the mirror. How did it get this way ?
The problem is before me, smack on my nose, as is often said.
I light the match, its more romantic than using a lighter
The lighter with its garish plastic
and aluminum foil parts and its dead flame.
The flame dances, inviting me to its deadly warmth.
A devil it may be, but not one in disguise.
I light the smoke, and take a drag while I watch myself in the mirror.
The lit end; a beacon of the very life that is in me.
I watch as I slowly kill myself, the classy way!
Does this count as suicide ?
I see the plume of smoke disappear into my face.
Its full of poison, and it only harms me,
but at least it is honest.
It has no human faults
but has a life of its own.
I savor the feeling of self-destruction,
while I think of opportunities past.
I stare into the mirror but look into the distance.
I exhale, slowly, I want to watch the smoke leave me forever.
The smoke is my friend.
It exits, and swirls around, I wish I were high right now.
It dances and it mocks me,
it dances like a victorious warrior.
It trips and it overturns, fighting with itself,
Could the most beautiful flower in the world
beat its natural elegance ?
I would think not.
I have no regrets,
I take in another drag.

Its time is up, I extinguish it.
I will however never forget it.
It may be a one-night stand
I may be in an abusive 'relationship'
but at least it is not fickle.
I can have one when I want to.
And in the long run that is all that matters.

Read this; true story!

The Greatest adventure of my life, well... Okay, the second most greatest adventure of my life.

Listen up people because what I am about to say will totally change the way you look at me as a person.

You know they say that the best things in life happen when you least expect them, well, this is one of those 'least expected' moments. It all began when I set out of my house, today evening, to buy myself a pack of Classic Milds. Little did I know that I would come the closest I have will ever come to actually hooking up with a woman\women, ever. I actually lost my conversation-ginity.

So on the way back, while walking toward my house, who should happen to stop next to me in a swanky, black, brand new BMW, choosing me out of the millions of other single guys walking on the road at the time? Two hot damsels in distress, apparently in need of my help in navigating through this constantly spinning carousel, a smörgåsbord of exhilarating experiences you puny mortals like to call 'life' a.k.a the mad bad world.

Swinging into action, I strove to quickly... as the cliched American characters in sitcoms often say- "bring it on"

I felt like a real life Adonis, Brad Pitt even, heck, I almost felt; White! (As in the race)

The one riding shotgun lowered her window and asked me in the sweetest voice ever, "Can you tell us how to get to this place called Aruna Enclave ?" I play it cool, take my time and try to recall where was it that I had heard this name before ? Oh yes, the conversation is taking place next to a HUGE signboard about 8 feet tall with the words 'Aruna Enclave' printed in big black bold letters on a ocher yellow background ? So I bring on the aforementioned 'it' and in the most casual way possible, say "Um, you see this board here ? It says turn left... I think you should turn left here ?"

A little giggling, embarrassed smiles and they took the left! How cool is that ? See, I am not that lame. I actually spoke to real women, yay!

Although...

The story would have kicked more ass if I didn't have to exaggerate a few details, like the 'sex' of the occupants of the car.

Yeah, I lied, they were male :(

And I was the only guy walking down the road on a hot summer day :(

And it was a beat up whiteTata Sumo :(

And yeah, I had to tell them how to take the left :(

And the guy sounded like he had just deep-throated some guy, he sounded like Casey Affleck. yuck, I think I am going to brush my ears now.

But, all was not wrong with the world because I think the signboard was totally taller than 8 feet :D

And ocher yellow ? Does it kick ass or what ?

I rule! Quite a quixotic adventure I must say.

And why do I feel that the 'gay' jokes will only get worse once I publish this ?

(Totally true story by the way.)

A-mus(e)ic

How to turn your Garage\Heavy Metal band into a Post-Rock band.


Step 1; Fire your vocalist plus another member from your band. Because otherwise your vocalist will just become an unproductive groupie like that retarded cousin of yours that your mom insists accompany you on your visit to your friends, and besides unless the vocalist is female, there is no point in keeping one. Usually the other one to go is the lead guitarist, as we all know the post-rock scene is not known for its instrumental virtuosity, but you might even fire your bassist. In any case, the optimum number of members is 3, but in certain situations 4 may be okay!

Step 2 ; Form your own Label. All you need is a name and two band members to say 'yes', majority wins, democracy was never this simple.

Step 3; Give the label a name, as with all names in this genre, it MUST be a phrase of some sort, one that is syntactically correct, it might even make sense as far as semantics go, but it should not be anything relevant, or easily understandable. Examples; Names such as "Pygmy sticks records up his ass-crack" or "Beelzebub thinks, record works" basically string a few nouns, a verb and the word 'record' to form a sentence.

Step 4; Give your band a name, as always post-rock naming conventions apply, however, unlike the naming of your virtual 'record label', you need not use the word 'record.' Examples; "I.want.to.eat.tortillas", or "Cathartic bunnies on moon", a popular method is to add a few numbers to further obfuscate the meaning of the name, like say, "98687MustBeGay" for best results use a random number generator. You might even want to get creative, and add an unnecessary punctuation if required say, "Mongolia! I am from?."

Step 5; Sample witty dialogs from movies and add that to your songs, this works especially well with rants, added points if the soliloquy has swear words. Commonly sampled movies can be 'NETWORK', 'Fight Club', '25th Hour', 'The Rules of Attraction' etc.

Step 6; Sample a guitar riff, use riff over and over again.

Step 7; Give your song a name, as usual, be creative but obscure. like "Is there more falafel !"
or "G.K.G.F.J.T.Y.F" or "No one cares for Kim Kardashian's SexTape,"
bonus point for unnecessary caps, such as "MEatsnaKe"

Step 8; Learn to use these words while describing your music, and pooh-poohing other genres:

1) Motif
2) Soundscape
3) Texture
4) Dramatic Crescendos
5) Cinematic landscapes
6) Intelligent
7) Thinking Music.

Step 9; Distribute your music free on last.fm, and recommend yourself to random users. Anyone who criticizes your music runs the risk of being branded stupid and intellectually inferior in short a 'cockhead' (man, is that a funny word or what ?).

And there you go, you are on your way to a few million scrobbles on last.fm if nothing else.


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All names are under a Creative Commons license, also there are a few post-rock bands which are really good, 'God is an Astronaut', '65dos' , EITS, being some of the good ones (that I like.)

Androgyn-geist

Allow me to introduce to you, Chauncey, who is technically speaking the personification of the dichotomy of Good and Evil. He was kicked out of both Heaven and Hell because they didn't know what the fuck he was. So now he is stuck with us, here in this meta-physical manifestation of existence, you might ask what is his 'entstehen', I think that he is the logical outcome of the law of causality being followed through(as it often does), if we were to think of 'Good' and 'Evil' as being the two sides of a coin, then he is the 'coin'

If those terms are a bit too obtuse for you, congrats you are NOT a nerd, sadly the same can not be said of me :(

So in laymen terms, he is just a nice guy who is omni-present, alas no one takes him seriously due to his 'being everywhere doing nothing' quality.



I know that I am somewhat breaking the fourth wall here, but my 'Artistic skills' are plainly seen in my drawing above, please feel free to send me money and\or gifts in appreciation of my superior ability, oh and I also accept cheques :)

Dust Dog

Warning! : Dry philosophical subject matter(with an emphasis on movies), do not read if easily bored.

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I have never liked Dustin Hoffman for a whole lot of reasons, including but not limited to say, His humongous nose which looks like it's big enough to hide a jumbo fucking jet in, or his completely accurate portrayal of a savant in Rain Man which I somehow see in every performance of his.

But all that changed when I saw Sam Peckinpah's 'Straw Dogs' a few days ago, Sam Peckinpah is the sort of guy who makes the likes of 'Brad Pitt' or 'Ben Affleck' look like 8 year old girls with an infatuation for NKOTB when compared to the tough guys in his films. Obviously this tends to polarize his viewers with an even split between his rabid critics and his rabid fans, I belong to the latter.

What is so frightening about the movie is the fact that the fate that Hoffman's character suffers may very well be inflicted on any one without exception. Here is a quick list of the things that go wrong in his characters life;

1) He is a bespectacled American mathematician
2) His hot English Wife likes to show off her hot body to the local repairmen
3) She cheats on her husband with one of the said repairman
4) Due to complications of that tryst, she is raped by another
5) She doesn't reveal this to him
6) Due to an entirely unrelated turn of events, the same repairmen try to kill him, while his wife sides with the enemy
7) The guys attack his house, destroying it completely
8) All of this because he does what he feels is right.

Now, imagine this kind of a thing happening to you, and I can see why you would think twice before taking up mathematics, being Dustin Hoffman, marrying an English woman or even going anywhere near England.

This has got to be the most sympathized character ever played in history!, and to think that all his character wanted to do, was write a book on mathematics.

The movie is one of those which will have you wondering at the nihilism inherent in society which drives the otherwise cowardly mathematician to shoot\stab\pummel\tie\burn 5 thugs to death.

Add to this the meta-Irony of the director being labeled Misogynistic and misanthropic, and the movie is bound to be a difficult one to watch. So if you are tired of watching man-boys like 'Mathew McConaughey' or 'Will Smith' make fools of us all in mega-blockbusters, then this is the movie for you.

A girl once asked me why I equate real life to movies ? She was of the opinion that they weren't related, She was wrong. When they are not related, it isn't art, it's pornography.

I!

==Warning==

Disclaimer ahead.

==Disclaimer==

It is a sad situation that all of my posts need a disclaimer. So go ahead read the disclaimer;

Okay, here is a post, otherwise known as a 'vanity post', where one describes oneself in flattering words, which is being posted here, by me, under the laughable assumption that readers would be interested in finding out more about me.

So, if you are put off by pompous pontification, blatant fabrication, quixotic fantasies, or outrageous blasphemies, (well... Ok, maybe there won't be any blasphemy here, I just made the last one up for the rhyme.) I'd suggest you not waste your time by reading any further.

I usually, never reveal these, but I am a little high right now, and will regret putting this up a little later, but I am trying to be a normal human and this is my first step

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The actual Post.

Things you probably didn't know about me:

1) I feel detached from everything, and often I forget who I am for a short while, I feel like I am watching myself from a distance, after having floated out of my body, I guess this is what makes existentialism so interesting for me.

2) I can read and write Arabic! yeah I can :( I don't know why.
ﻮﻳﺨﺖ ﺴﺎﻏﺮ (my name)

3) I have the will power of a kid in a candy store, yet I went from smoking 2 packs of smokes per day to just once a week, cold turkey. Nope, no withdrawal symptoms yet

4) I have never gone for a single guitar class in my life, I guess it shows, Haha, no, seriously, I am pretty good! (I am not usually this confident, and I had to force myself to write the last line, but I am trying to be funny, so it doesn't matter.)

5) We opened for Motherjane in CREC, Calicut =)

6) When it comes to women, I still think that one day, someone will recognize my shyness for what it is, and not mistake it for arrogance. Well, there is another fanciful idea that will never come true.

7) I like helping people even if I know they won't be thankful, maybe being a martyr of sorts gets me off, a little.

8) I always try to be the last to reply, in a conversation, check the comments on this blog, they are usually even in number, unless I have replied to 2 at the same time, because I find it rude to not reply.

9) After watching 'My Sassy Girl', Pachelbel's Canon in D major makes me sad, every time I hear it. Its true.

10) If you have read till here, congrats, you have more patience then I will ever have, I will stop here, for I don't want to bore you.(Talk about wishful thinking!)
bye
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Listening to '3 Libras (Acoustic) ' - A Perfect Circle and hoping I don't make a fool of myself.

Dread and the restless mind.

I love the blistering summer.
because it makes even plain water taste like heaven.

And you know what scares me most about death ?
that after it happens, I will stop being me.

A wasted opportunity is the saddest thing in the world,
for what is done is done and can never be undone.

Astro-illogy

I got my Horoscope done, not that I believe in it, I just wanted to see what it would predict. It starts off quite promisingly.

The usual stuff that everyone says to me; that I am too self-critical, prone to pessimism, and that one of my best points is the fact that I have the 'ability' of self-deprecation. Yay! apparently, it is an ability now. If only someone would pay me for this talent of mine. And... to make things worse none of these attributes makes me any more alluring to members of the opposite sex than say, a wet dishrag. To think that I once thought that humility was reason enough to make the girls swoon in admiration and awe for me :(
Why this sudden emphasis on women ? You'll see.


And then it goes on about how I will not have a problem as far as finances are concerned, a sigh of relief from me at this point.

This is where it stops making sense and starts to go completely bonkers.

The next thing it tells me is that...

(Hang on, you have to brace yourself for this, because when I heard this I wanted to bitch slap the fucking astrologer, I honestly felt that it was a joke when he said this.)

'You are very popular with the girls, and you will always be surrounded by them and you will have trouble choosing from among them.'

A minute to cool myself down.

(Breathe!)

(Breathe!)

(Breathe!)

WHAT THE FUCK!
Are you shitting me ?
what a load of bullshit.
I've been duped.
Astrology is a scam!
it is worse than FASCISM!
I would have rather payed someone to kick me in the balls!

(*clearing throat) Hrmgh ghrgrh
Because, I am sure all of you know that;

it has been ages since I have spoken to a girl.
I don't have a girlfriend and have never had one.(A consequence not of reluctance on my part but of my amazing social graces that would put a retarded monkey to shame, oh and also my sarcastic wit which just drives them wild :D )
This is the one thing about me that I am most sensitive about.

So my advice to you is, to 'STAY AWAY FROM ASTROLOGY!'


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Listening to 'The Great Lake of Kiev' - Mussorgsky

Everyone's problem.

I have been following the US elections since quite a while. I like to read about the various issues that they are faced with and come to an opinion of my own.

But, I must confess trivial problems like Chicago's public transportation nightmare or the pro-life\pro-choice debate hold no interest for me(Although I am pro-choice all the way), I am, however highly interested in what comes out of this debate on banning the burning of their national flag, now we are all aware that this is a freedom that is not allowed in our country, another symptom of what I like to think of as the effect of having not real but pseudo-freedom of speech.

Very succinctly embodied in the following cliche:

You are free to do as we tell you.

It is at times like these that I pause to wonder how the late Bill Hicks could have been so right about every Democracy that man has known till now. The problem plaguing my mind is the fact that there is no foreseeable alternative to this flawed system in sight.

So, I hear that Billary Hillary is for banning 'flag burning', I hope she doesn't end up winning, for that will be yet another defeat for rational thought, another body-blow to Pacifism, and liberalism, etc.-all things that should have been but aren't a staple of modern life.

I could be accused of making a mountain a mountain out of a molehill, after all, not my country, not my problem right ? wrong! this concerns us all.

I believe:

Loss in Freedom = Return to Fascism.

and we don't want that do we ?

--------------------------------

Listening to 'Carry on my wayward son' - Kansas

Poll

When they were first introduced, I would keep a poll every 3-7 days. So, I thought I'd put one up again.
As always, please invest the second or two it takes to read-decide-vote and vote. I am praying and so am certain that your connection will be able to handle the 'load'

Thanks in Advance Pee-pole.

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Listening to 'Capricorn Sister' - Mother Love Bone.

Suicide. Mine.

My last Farewell.

I gave up today. I just did. Personally I found this strange because I always though that I would experience a life changing event, if at all, and that that would eventually push me over the edge, a disaster that sucks your 'will to live' and leaves you barren. It never came, I just found myself bored and unmotivated one fine day, while I played a song on my guitar, and that is when it struck me that life, for me, had lost its sheen. Quite a bummer actually, but what can you do ?

It has always 'rained' in my head. I would, all the time, feel the presence of ominous gray clouds ready to dampen any sunny thoughts I'd have. But I always figured that it would get better. I'd tell myself that it would pass and leave me be. I can't do that anymore I can't pretend, everything seems so sad and just pathetic, and I know that things will only get worse. Like an unexpected death. Why do I feel that you won't be laughing at this joke of mine ?

When I was younger I had naively thought that when I grew up, and became a 'grown up' I'd have all the answers, there would be no more dark places where you didn't know what kind of danger or happiness lurked, but I was wrong. Growing up only made things worse and more complicated. And the worst part of all of this was when I realized that I had become an adult, and that I actually liked being a kid. Too bad we can't turn back time.

I gave up hope today, that hackneyed overused concept which paradoxically enough is not often mentioned, yeah, the same 'hope' that blinds us to live, to kill, to hate, to wish, to smile. Maybe we are all scared that we'll jinx it by talking about it.

My last wish is that when it finally does happen, my life flashes before my eyes as they often say it does. And then... I won't know what hit me

This is what I want.
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Listening to 'Llorando' - Rebekah Del Rios


Warning - First of all, this is fiction, so take it lightly. Secondly, this a depressive post, do not read if you are bothered by such things.
========================================================
Disclaimer - Truth be told, I never intended to write this disclaimer for the post that is to follow. The very purpose of the 'letter' was to see how people would react. I wanted it to be a sort of 'shock' because generally, people think that events out of the blue only happen to other people. Never to themselves or to the people they know and I wanted to see how you'd react, but then, I feared that I might be accused of resorting to a cheap trick, a gimmick to increase my 'readership' if such a nonsensical thing doth exist, and if so whether it would be possible to expand something beyond its natural seams. If I start explaining everything, then I am afraid that my fucking disclaimer will grow to be bigger than the post, sort of like how the trailer for a movie always looks cool, but the real thing turns out to be a damp squib leaving you hugely disappointed at the end.
========================================================

Lier [sic]

So this girl asks me 'Have you ever been on a date' (to the naysayers who can't believe that a girl would talk to me; she was just being polite. Also, I was distinctly aware of this fact while having this conversation with her)

And being a very bad liar who couldn't lie to save his own skin, I tell the truth.

I say 'No'

Which was not so bad because she was kind enough to 'defuse' my embarrassment by saying something.

This led me to think, that something must be done about this.

I wouldn't want to be in such an awkward situation again.

After giving it serious thought and by analyzing and weighing the various methods by which I might ameliorate the problem, I have come to a conclusion so as to how I shall fix this 'issue'.

Although, I am going in for the easiest option, It is not going to be easy, but it has to be done.

I have decided to learn how to lie and say 'Yes' in the future.

:D

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Listening to 'Brand New Start' - 'Alter Bridge'

Funny Feminist Feelings

A friend recently told me this joke. I found it really funny, if you don't. I don't care :)
You could call the joke sexist, but then again, you could call God(If he did exist) a misogynyst. Proof ? :

labor pain.

Here goes.

Joke: How many Feminists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Answer: None, because feminists can't change anything.

Makes me laugh every single time.
'Why! you are a very crass, crude, dirty, and stupid young man' do I hear you say ?
Maybe, maybe, if it is true, then there is no point in denying it. It also does not change the fact that it is a funny joke.

So prompted by this, I decided to do a little research on this whole gender war thing. I never expected it to be so much fun. It is also the reason that my posts recently been more towards this topic.

Here is an advertisement for a department store, which Feminists claim is misogynistic, as far as I see, it maybe seen as sexist to either of the sexes, depending on your sympathies, here check it out because if you forget the whole sexism thing, it is a funny and clever little ad.



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"What evidence do I have that women rule the world? Take a look at the world and ask yourself how it would be different if men were REALLY in charge. Look at the things that men want most, then check to see if the world is organized to provide those things or to limit them."

Scott Adams, The Dilbert Future, page 109

Me, you, and some beer.

I plan on introducing 2 characters, and along with my 'Elkisms' I intend to make these my 'signature' posts, The 'Elkisms' are what I call 'truthoids', stuff which is true yet, something which no one talks about.
Whereas, the two characters will help me say what I want to without my having to resort to boring old prose.

Since I do not have any material to write today, I shall leave you with this:

Am Watching you.

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Listening to 'What need have I for this,What need I have for that,I am dancing at the feet of the lord, All is bliss, all is bliss.' - Shakti

Egalitarian Reprise.

Hey there! here is another one of my useless lists, useless because the people whom it is meant for, will never umm... read it.

You know you have become a fascist when:

1) You force people to do things, because YOU 'think' it is in their best interest.

2) You have a "motto" in life, especially so if it is a song.

3) You believe in the death penalty.

4) You hate People with a different viewpoint. think: 'gay','hippies','abortion' etc.

5) You think that you are the best in everything you do, and that others can never match you.

6) You Feel pity for the Downtrodden. (They don't need our pity, they need a better system)

7) You think businessmen who take the country "forward" are great men.

8) You are any of these: Fervent Patriot, an MCP, a Feminist, belong to any sort of society, Racist, believe in god, Politician, Lawyer, or Me.

9) You make of fun of any aspect of someone's bad fortune\personality\appearance especially when it is congenital.

10) You write a list, denouncing people as Fascists, put it up on your crappy blog and trick people into reading it by not putting up a disclaimer.

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Listening to La dance du bonheur - Shakti

'Just let me be a lazy, lousy bum' - SK Meer

nihil ad nauseum

So, I am experimenting with a new style of writing(for me), it has obviously been done before, where they take a bunch of lines, all seemingly incoherent and unconnected, however when read together, they convey a very abstract feeling. This is my first attempt, and hence its a bit... um... pathetic for the lack of a more moderate but apt word. I would like to acknowledge my debt to Alice In Chains, my favorite band, as is apparent from my previous posts. Many of these lines are lyrics from my favorite AiC Songs 'Down In a hole' and 'Rain When I die'.

meh:
Off into the sky forever
And, then she calls my name
Did you say you would wait ?
Could you tolerate the absence of my presence ?
And did you ever care for self-reference ? Redundancy ?
Why can't I just hold you, for you ?
Why can't I care for you, for your sake ?
I think its gonna rain When I die.
Did you say 'No, this can't happen to me'?
You didn't know me at all, Didn't know me at all
I stole your crown, and cried a tear.
A tear for you, for me, for all there could be.
See how I decorate my grave.
Did you see, how I killed my desire ?
Did you see...





Thanks to AdrianaDesigner from Flickr for this snap, Thanks for releasing it into the Public domain.

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listening to Late Goodbye - Poets of the Fall

' I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake.' - G. Bernard Shaw