My last Farewell.
I gave up today. I just did. Personally I found this strange because I always though that I would experience a life changing event, if at all, and that that would eventually push me over the edge, a disaster that sucks your 'will to live' and leaves you barren. It never came, I just found myself bored and unmotivated one fine day, while I played a song on my guitar, and that is when it struck me that life, for me, had lost its sheen. Quite a bummer actually, but what can you do ?
It has always 'rained' in my head. I would, all the time, feel the presence of ominous gray clouds ready to dampen any sunny thoughts I'd have. But I always figured that it would get better. I'd tell myself that it would pass and leave me be. I can't do that anymore I can't pretend, everything seems so sad and just pathetic, and I know that things will only get worse. Like an unexpected death. Why do I feel that you won't be laughing at this joke of mine ?
When I was younger I had naively thought that when I grew up, and became a 'grown up' I'd have all the answers, there would be no more dark places where you didn't know what kind of danger or happiness lurked, but I was wrong. Growing up only made things worse and more complicated. And the worst part of all of this was when I realized that I had become an adult, and that I actually liked being a kid. Too bad we can't turn back time.
I gave up hope today, that hackneyed overused concept which paradoxically enough is not often mentioned, yeah, the same 'hope' that blinds us to live, to kill, to hate, to wish, to smile. Maybe we are all scared that we'll jinx it by talking about it.
My last wish is that when it finally does happen, my life flashes before my eyes as they often say it does. And then... I won't know what hit me
This is what I want.
Listening to 'Llorando' - Rebekah Del Rios
Warning - First of all, this is fiction, so take it lightly. Secondly, this a depressive post, do not read if you are bothered by such things.
Disclaimer - Truth be told, I never intended to write this disclaimer for the post that is to follow. The very purpose of the 'letter' was to see how people would react. I wanted it to be a sort of 'shock' because generally, people think that events out of the blue only happen to other people. Never to themselves or to the people they know and I wanted to see how you'd react, but then, I feared that I might be accused of resorting to a cheap trick, a gimmick to increase my 'readership' if such a nonsensical thing doth exist, and if so whether it would be possible to expand something beyond its natural seams. If I start explaining everything, then I am afraid that my fucking disclaimer will grow to be bigger than the post, sort of like how the trailer for a movie always looks cool, but the real thing turns out to be a damp squib leaving you hugely disappointed at the end.