I got my Horoscope done, not that I believe in it, I just wanted to see what it would predict. It starts off quite promisingly.
The usual stuff that everyone says to me; that I am too self-critical, prone to pessimism, and that one of my best points is the fact that I have the 'ability' of self-deprecation. Yay! apparently, it is an ability now. If only someone would pay me for this talent of mine. And... to make things worse none of these attributes makes me any more alluring to members of the opposite sex than say, a wet dishrag. To think that I once thought that humility was reason enough to make the girls swoon in admiration and awe for me :(
Why this sudden emphasis on women ? You'll see.
And then it goes on about how I will not have a problem as far as finances are concerned, a sigh of relief from me at this point.
This is where it stops making sense and starts to go completely bonkers.
The next thing it tells me is that...
(Hang on, you have to brace yourself for this, because when I heard this I wanted to bitch slap the fucking astrologer, I honestly felt that it was a joke when he said this.)
'You are very popular with the girls, and you will always be surrounded by them and you will have trouble choosing from among them.'
A minute to cool myself down.
WHAT THE FUCK!
Are you shitting me ?
what a load of bullshit.
I've been duped.
Astrology is a scam!
it is worse than FASCISM!
I would have rather payed someone to kick me in the balls!
(*clearing throat) Hrmgh ghrgrh
Because, I am sure all of you know that;
it has been ages since I have spoken to a girl.
I don't have a girlfriend and have never had one.(A consequence not of reluctance on my part but of my amazing social graces that would put a retarded monkey to shame, oh and also my sarcastic wit which just drives them wild :D )
This is the one thing about me that I am most sensitive about.
So my advice to you is, to 'STAY AWAY FROM ASTROLOGY!'
Listening to 'The Great Lake of Kiev' - Mussorgsky