India Whining.

It has been a while since I have posted anything that has been popular with the readers, that includes you, yeah you! I am speaking to you. Anyway, with the decrease in my readership due to the scarcity of updates and the decrease in quality of my posts, I see that the average visits per day has reduced to about 3-4.


Your author in a few weeks if the current readership levels(or the lack thereof)continue, and if he changes his race

Being the eternal optimist that I am, I have decided to look at the brighter side of said downturn. I realize that now that the people who usually come here are mostly just passing ephemera, I am going to not censor myself as I was doing earlier, the reasoning earlier was to not to alienate the readers. Now, I ask "what readers?"

So no more being politically correct, no more trying to be "within the limits of decency" and no more "fabrication" because we are a news disseminating agency goddammit, and I will not sacrifice my journalistic integrity anymore!!!

So here is my next piece of journalistic brilliance:

The All New Karbage List of People whose Parents should have Aborted them or in short The List of Unsuccessful Abortions:

5) Number five on the list is, surprisingly for some, this "Genius" why? because a) he does not know how to win a fucking match case in point: The Mumbai 1ndians. and b)Looking at his endorsements, you'd think the guy were bankrupt to stoop low enough to endorse some of the products he does case in point his endorsement for "Tiger Biscuits" Tiger biscuits??? WTF???


Give me some money and I will endorse Fascism if needed.

4)Fourth place goes to this prime specimen of what's gone wrong with our country:


The poof mommy feels y'all yeoh!!! peace out mah bizzles!

I mean who is she? What cave did she crawl out of to accept the post? I had never heard of her before. She looks like they took out a character from the India page of the "Handbook of Racist Caricatures of the People of the World" and breathed life into it. Who is it going to be next? A hindoo snakeman in a turban who can do the Indian Rope trick.

Who is it going to be next? This guy?




3) Third place goes to this unwanted piece of skin around an enormous asshole:


Totally not gay, y'all!

Why? only because he thinks he is a "king" of some sort and hence needs to constantly blow kisses for his circle-jerk fans (lest they die from teh cock deficiency) whenever the fucking cameraman pans to him. He is a king alright; The Faggot King of Douchebaggery.

2) The second place goes to none other than our favorite "writer," Hahahaohoh haha oh wow! no seriously, some people actually do consider her to be one.


like I am like 62 ya know but like I totally behave like I am like 16 like.

If by chance you do read her "articles" in the Times you'd think it was written by a 16 year old sorority chick who's just snorted some Xanax and guzzled a bucket load of cum from her latest blockbuster movie; one of the bukkake persuasion. The sheer banality of her writing and its utter lack of style or substance is enough to disorient and confuse the smartest of readers. So you can imagine what happens to a moron such as myself if he or she tries.

But the ultimate disorienting experience is the fact that above her article is usually an article by a sane, and intelligent writer like M.J.Akbar who clearly knows what he is doing.

1) And the grand prize winner is none other than our friendly neighborhood failed state:



One might wonder why, because a typical day there looks like this:


In Arcadia Ego???

I can't seem to say why.


So there you go, I hope you had fun, and boy have I invited a shitstorm with this one. Ah! fuck it, safe is boring.

Dams and other types of Mounds.

I am in a funny mood these days. I was jaywalking all over the internet as usual, when I came upon a photograph which I had seen a long time ago, I remembered it for one reason, a dorky looking teenage guy with a smug look on his bony face, wearing a T-Shirt with the following words printed in large bold red letters, on it :

"Please tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes. Thank You."

To hell with being PC, (I confess that) for me, this is an enormously funny thing to write on a T-Shirt,t don't you think so too ?
The sheer audacity and cheek involved in coming up with such a sentence is something I wish I had.

Also, here is another something I rediscovered : The Dam Letter

P.S I hate people who use the word 'Kudos', I just don't know why.

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Listening to 'Daylight Robbery' - Imogen Heap

!

This is a story of my childhood. It still haunts my parents it seems, or at least that is what they claim, though I sometimes feel it was a plan of their's foiled by my 'lightning fast reflexes' and 'mercurial thinking'. Or maybe not.
I was 7, and my sister was 5. We used to live in Dhahran, Saudi Arabia back then.
It was the weekend, a Friday! and we were on on our 'weekly family shopping spree' a must for all Indians there, for the lack of a better way to spend free time.
I used to hate it. I hate shopping. Shopping is the reason I feel the devil exists. It is the most boring human activity possible.
On our way to Al-Khobar from Dammam, which is a bit like going from Secunderabad to Hyderabad, we bought some Ice-Cream. I finished mine soon, as always. My dad then stops his car by the side of a big mall. We had to return a lamp shade or something there, I knew this was on the agenda because I would always overhear my parents talking and I had heard them talk. So I ask my sister to get out and then step out of the vehicle. She is a bit slow, she is still savoring her Ice-cream, as always.

I and my sister, we wait for my dad to kill the engine and the parents to step out of the car...

"Something's wrong, it is taking them too long !"

"Hey what is this ???"

"My dad is driving off ???"

"He is really driving off !!! "

"Is this some kind of a joke ? Have they forgotten that they have kids ? Maybe they didn't like my dismal performance at school."

"Holy shit, my sis is with me!"

What has she done ?

"Wait, should I scream ?"

No use. Let's see, sis is still busy with the ice cream. She has no clue.

'Hey! where are they ?'

She looks around,
she realizes !
she doesn't want the ice cream anymore.

She starts crying.

I tell her to drop the cup and run !
She resists, she wants to cry. She wants mommy back.

I can't think. I feel I have no other option. This is not my country, I do not know Arabic. I was afraid of strangers, especially the 'chocolate offering' kind. I have to chase after them. I hold her hand, and run in the direction that they went in. I beg her to run. They have taken a turn to the right, they are stopped in front of the mall, a car is next to them, we must have run what felt like a 'mile', I really do not remember how far we ran.
My sister is crying her eyes out, I am dragging her, I don't want to get back without her, they'll fucking kill me if I arrive without my sister.
I am 7 for crying out loud! I am not ready for this kind of responsibility, hell I STILL ain't.
Somehow, they have stopped, thank god!

They are expecting us. I don't know that I am supposed to be angry at them. I am just happy to have found them again.

Apparently, they had a change of plan for some reason at the last moment and decided to get back later. They hadn't realized that the kids(us) had gotten out. They were busy savoring the Ice cream. A bunch of Saudi kids had seen us being left behind. They had caught up to my parents, in their car, yelling 'Where kids ? Where kids ?' at my parents.
That was when they turned back and saw us missing.
That was when I arrived, carrying my sister.(well, the last few meters at least.)

Do I have the best parents in the world or what :S

True, down to the last word.
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Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. -Robert Fulghum