India Whining.

It has been a while since I have posted anything that has been popular with the readers, that includes you, yeah you! I am speaking to you. Anyway, with the decrease in my readership due to the scarcity of updates and the decrease in quality of my posts, I see that the average visits per day has reduced to about 3-4.


Your author in a few weeks if the current readership levels(or the lack thereof)continue, and if he changes his race

Being the eternal optimist that I am, I have decided to look at the brighter side of said downturn. I realize that now that the people who usually come here are mostly just passing ephemera, I am going to not censor myself as I was doing earlier, the reasoning earlier was to not to alienate the readers. Now, I ask "what readers?"

So no more being politically correct, no more trying to be "within the limits of decency" and no more "fabrication" because we are a news disseminating agency goddammit, and I will not sacrifice my journalistic integrity anymore!!!

So here is my next piece of journalistic brilliance:

The All New Karbage List of People whose Parents should have Aborted them or in short The List of Unsuccessful Abortions:

5) Number five on the list is, surprisingly for some, this "Genius" why? because a) he does not know how to win a fucking match case in point: The Mumbai 1ndians. and b)Looking at his endorsements, you'd think the guy were bankrupt to stoop low enough to endorse some of the products he does case in point his endorsement for "Tiger Biscuits" Tiger biscuits??? WTF???


Give me some money and I will endorse Fascism if needed.

4)Fourth place goes to this prime specimen of what's gone wrong with our country:


The poof mommy feels y'all yeoh!!! peace out mah bizzles!

I mean who is she? What cave did she crawl out of to accept the post? I had never heard of her before. She looks like they took out a character from the India page of the "Handbook of Racist Caricatures of the People of the World" and breathed life into it. Who is it going to be next? A hindoo snakeman in a turban who can do the Indian Rope trick.

Who is it going to be next? This guy?




3) Third place goes to this unwanted piece of skin around an enormous asshole:


Totally not gay, y'all!

Why? only because he thinks he is a "king" of some sort and hence needs to constantly blow kisses for his circle-jerk fans (lest they die from teh cock deficiency) whenever the fucking cameraman pans to him. He is a king alright; The Faggot King of Douchebaggery.

2) The second place goes to none other than our favorite "writer," Hahahaohoh haha oh wow! no seriously, some people actually do consider her to be one.


like I am like 62 ya know but like I totally behave like I am like 16 like.

If by chance you do read her "articles" in the Times you'd think it was written by a 16 year old sorority chick who's just snorted some Xanax and guzzled a bucket load of cum from her latest blockbuster movie; one of the bukkake persuasion. The sheer banality of her writing and its utter lack of style or substance is enough to disorient and confuse the smartest of readers. So you can imagine what happens to a moron such as myself if he or she tries.

But the ultimate disorienting experience is the fact that above her article is usually an article by a sane, and intelligent writer like M.J.Akbar who clearly knows what he is doing.

1) And the grand prize winner is none other than our friendly neighborhood failed state:



One might wonder why, because a typical day there looks like this:


In Arcadia Ego???

I can't seem to say why.


So there you go, I hope you had fun, and boy have I invited a shitstorm with this one. Ah! fuck it, safe is boring.

1\6th

Welcome to another edition of 'Moron of the week'

Every once in a while, a man nay a rebel comes along, who says 'hey you, common sense! screw you, I am not going to listen to you,' and this week it was A.R.Rehman who decided to show of the inner moron in him at an event as glamorous and as widely watched as the Oscars. Now saying corny stuff like 'I was given a choice of love and hate and I chose love and here I am at the Oscars' is quite embarrassing in itself. But it doesn't qualify you as a moron just yet. It is when along with this you decide to tell a joke that things really start to take shape. You see, by introducing the element of the 'joke' we are in fact introducing fertile ground for committing faux pas moronic acts of stupidity. Now, it is here, that he shows his true talent.

How did he do that you ask?
Well, he apparently went to joke hell, seeking what is probably the first joke that was ever made. The granddaddy of all jokes.

We, here at karbage like to think that this might have been how the conversation that gave birth to this gem of an example of human un-funniness might have gone:

Caveman#1: ssup brah?
Caveman#2:enggh... the usual, killed a brontosaurus for lunch.
Caveman#1: Cool, I fought a saber toothed tiger, the wife developed a sudden craving yesterday
Caveman#2: Ooh boy, that must have been hard.
Caveman#1: oh yeah brah, definitely. I was excited and terrified at the same time, the last time I felt like that was when I married the wife.
Caveman#1: I feel ya brah, I feel ya.

And by uttering that punch line, the one that we have heard countless drunk 'I think I am so funny'-uncles utter in parties, A.R.Rehman has rightfully attained his place here on Karbage.


Rehman crooning the lyrics to his latest hit: " I fought a saber tooth, and it was easier than getting married."

I confess. I did watch the results of this year's Oscar Awards. On the News of course.