Sunday, March 01, 2009

monkey business again

Originally published Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Here is a short 'story' I had written a while back, it was liked so I thought I would put it up here again. It's been long anyway.

Monkey Business.

Meanwhile, back at TeeCeeEss on the day of the big 'Client Visit', a day when the clients visit the development center to make sure their money is being spent in the right areas.

Characters:

Mr Deepak: Project Manager, has hung around at the company because no other company would even dare touch him. Earns literally a few peanuts per day. Is very happy.

Peepee: A wild rhesus monkey. Has a penchant for throwing his faeces at people when irritated. Earns a few peanuts per day, isn't happy, wants more.

Mr Rahul: A programmer who adores the company, is willing to work 20 hours a day at the expense of his personal life, so much so that he hasn't any left anymore. Earns a peanut a day. Is very happy. In fact feels he doesn't do enough work to deserve a WHOLE peanut.

Mr Jack: A gullible American. Thinks that all Indians are so cool! can't digest the fact that the kids at the center are almost 30-40 years younger to him. Earns so much money, I can't even count till there. Is not happy, wants more to pay for the mortgage on his villa.

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Act 1
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It is 9 AM, every one is busy trying to look busy.

The Client comes in to the development center with his entourage of white colleagues and some Indian suckups, it is the middle of the day on a hot summer Friday and they are wearing suits. The Slaves Zombies Programmers have been denied that little joy and have been asked to come wearing formals on casual Friday so that the lowly Indians look a bit more presentable to the White folk.

The client's 'posse' stops near a group of Slaves Zombies Programmers, who have been coached.

Mr Rahul: Sir, we write code here that takes the information coming from the US, and then we use Fermat's last theorem as a cost effective leverage to extract the required information, on which we apply an nth derivative fractal transform, and we convert the dollar amount into rupees. We then map the values onto a 3-dimensional matrix space which is np determined which allows us to get a dollar amount back again. We then pass this back to you.

Mr Jack: I like the sound of that. I mean Wow, Impressive! Do you guys need anything else ?

Mr Deepak: Oh yes, we would like you to increase the contract rate to 40$ an hour.

Mr Jack: Sure, sure, anything, I like your team's dedication.

Mr Deepak: Oh and one more thing Mr Jack, we would like you to pass the directive for a new 'team-member'. His name is Peepee. I would like your permission to initiate his VISA process.

Mr Jack: well, Indian names are difficult to pronounce aren't they ?

Mr Deepak: someone, call Peepee.

(Peepee is escorted to the entourage)

(Mr Jack is perplexed.)

Mr Jack:Are you sure you want THIS... ?

Mr Deepak: Oh yes sir.

Mr Jack: But...it is a monkey!

Sir! 'HE' is a new recruit
[he is sensitive about being called it, sir] (he whispers).
He is a brilliant programmer, we need him to leverage the...

(Mr Jack cuts in)

Mr Jack: Yeah, yeah, I understand, but...

Mr Rahul: Sir, he will bring productivity up by 49.8641%

Mr Jack: Ok, Ok, Initiate the process. By the way, what is his skill set ?

Mr Deepak: Well, he is proficient in Java, .NET, PERL, HTML, CSS, SAP, PHP and poop throwing.

Mr Jack: poop what ?

SPLAT!

2 comments:

Kiran said...

Oh adn Peepee gets to go to America. So damn cool. Peepee can finally get laid!

JerryKantrell said...

Yes, we at Karbage are hopeful. hehe.