Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Indianism.

Have you ever wondered if you are truly Indian at heart?
That an authentic Indian heart beats within the confines of your chest, and that you are worthy of being an Indian and holding an Indian passport? After all, getting a passport in our country is equivalent to performing the twelve labors of Hercules, and that too without his powers. Case in point, the guy in front of me when I had gone, unsuccessfully, to renew my passport; was asked to go back home for the third time because the bank manager, this time, had signed on the wrong side of the letter. Anyway that is besides the point.


Ooh Ooh, can I have mine in Purple?

What were we talking about? Oh yes: do you wonder if you are truly Indian? if you do, do not fear for I, karbage, most gracious; most merciful, purveyor of the three worlds, knower of the unknowable, custodian of the two holy tenets: freedom of speech, and the "leave me alone" directive, have come up with a sure fire test to give you hapless mortals concrete proof of your indianness or its lack thereof.

Test: In order to perform the test you must find the northeast direction, which is why I would prefer you did the test on a laptop, and read out the following prayer, you must make sure that the direction is NE as Vaastu commands you to utilize the positive vibrations that propogate along the lay lines which lie in that cardinal direction.

"Lord God, It is I, your humble creation, I seek your guidance in solving a particular problem that is haunting my conscience. I need to know whether I am truly Indian or not, so I would like to pressurize you to come forward and reveal to me the answer to my humble question."

Now, here is the actual test, IF at no point of time during the prayer did you laugh out loud because you saw yourself putting your god, whosoever it might be: jebus, FSM, or Xenu, in a cooker with some water and...

Then, you my friend are definitely Indian inside. In which case you are entitled to wear the Indian Inside tee, as this woman who has undoubtedly passed my test, has done. On a side note doesn't the chick look like chief Wiggum's long lost daughter?


Available in all sizes and shapes.

Your author unfortunately Phails this test big time, and was subsequently beaten by his mom for laughing out loud when she used the word "pressurize" in a non-engineering context

6 comments:

violetcrush said...

haha...the prayer and the entire post make me laugh out loud.

Have you morphed the T-shirt quote or is it an original?

JerryKantrell said...

:D thank you.

No, the T-Shirt is actually real, I did a google search for 'indian inside' as I had guessed that someone would have created a logo, and I found this so I thought that I would use it.

Slippery Reflections said...

lmao! ms.wiggum! i concur!

JerryKantrell said...

:D heh, yeah.

ashwinxn said...

Nice post Kantrell...I laughed out loud at work and now my professor knows for sure that i'm not doing anything productive today

JerryKantrell said...

As long as he doesn't pressurize you to do more work, it is alright, no? hehe ;)