Saturday, July 12, 2008

Hello, people.

I have been away one would think. It is just that I have started my preparations for what will, hopefully, be a Fall '09 admit to a decent B School.

So I guess that my updates will become less frequent until I get my admit, after which I plan on going on an India tour, a time when I promise to write as often as possible.

So right now, read this piece I had written a long time back, one that i did not know how to finish, I have added an impromptu ending, not as good as I had expected it to go, but it is better than nothing :D

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FALLEN - by Karbage

All characters described in this sequence of events are entirely fictitious and any resemblance to real persons\things are theoretically not possible, because the author has chosen names and entities that are clearly imaginary, with no basis in reality. Although my sarcasm is thinly veiled, I mean no harm and feel that all the religions in the world are equally harmful.


And the lord god burst forth into the hall with such brilliance that it left both the Mortal Souls and the Divine Angels blind from just his mere presence. And, thus he spake on that fateful day in heaven; "What myriad problems have we, unto ourselves, begotten on this most inauspicious of days ? and pray make it quick for thou dost crampeth my style, doth thee diggeth dawgs ?"

Upon which the great angel Beelzebub said unto the others and lord god, "pardon me Oh Lord God, but thou dost look different from yesterday, for I canst recall your being black"

The Lord God maintaining his composure said unto Beelzebub "Is not thy name 'Beelzebub' ? ti's a funny name, ti's almost as funny as the word "cockhead" canst thou imagine a giant cock head man ?", and then proceeded to laugh his divine ass off, on his own joke, for an eternity and a half, at the end of which he continued thus; 'ahem, the folk at PR decided to fire the old one for a black candidate; something about a more PC image.

[It was at this point that everyone, and I mean; even this narrator, decided to drop the "Ye faux Olde English" because no one was sure of the declinations\cases and other grammatical formalities, not even god.]

Confused and not really sure of the ontological implications of such a commandment, but hard pressed for time, beelzebub went on, introducing to Lord God; his mortal acquaintance Megamad who had gathered quite a fan following in the pagan lands, and was well on his way to prophet hood, however his plans had hit a snag when he accidentally drowned himself while trying to prove his divinity to some tricky pagan unbelievers, Beelzebub needed to drastically increase subscription to religion, as he was in charge, and was in desperate need of the promotion, what with the recession and the sub-prime crisis and all..? and Megamad was his only hope.

The god in his infinite wisdom hit upon a master plan, one that only he could have imagined. He said to beelzebub "send this madman back, and tell him to promise those who convert to our religion; 72 virgins for eternity"

'But god!' said beelzebub in a moment of utter stupidity 'We don't even have a single Virgin here in heaven, why, even your own mom isn't here.' the most vindictive most merciful God then turned angry and banished his fat ass to hell for good and then turned to Beelzebub's next in command, a scrawny little fellow named Azazel and said 'Although we have no virgins here, the humans are too stupid to figure that out, and in any case, they all think with their fucking dicks anyway I am sure they'll blow themselves up for a piece of action, and 72 is a big fucking number, immaculate conception it seems, bloody morons, you are now to take Beelzebub's place and send this man back so that he may do our bidding, we don't want the Mormons winning now do we ? the moron err I mean the Mormon god is a cheeky little customer, I wouldn't like to lose to him, go quickly now!'

And thus it came to be. Azazel being smarter than Beelzebub did his job without asking any questions, sent Megamad (now with 'pbuh'), and we have to deal with this bullshit here on earth.

6 comments:

thesilentq said...

pbuh?

JerryKantrell said...

'peace be upon him'

thesilentq said...

lol good to know :D

JerryKantrell said...

yeah :)

Nithin "Kitta" Shenoy said...

Brilliant one. LOL!

JerryKantrell said...

Thank you thank you !