Sunday, June 08, 2008

PeeView

Now, I have written some really bad reviews in the past. There is nothing that I can do about those, but I am not going to write any more reviews; to stop myself from acting like a pretentious cock and forcing my opinion down your um... er... ??? well, it doesn't matter.

You might have stumbled upon this site called pitchfork media, which has by far the largest concentration of gay reviewers outside of say, a gay porn review site. And at least the porn reviewers have a reason to behave that way. You know what, it is better if you read the reviews yourself, Here is one such review which is so annoying, that you'll want to reach through the internet tubes and stab me in the face for making you read the piece of putrid horse crap that it is. The reviews on this site are so bland and annoying that they will make you start hating even your favorite bands, In fact after reading this, I never want to listen to another Radiohead album ever again.

With lines such as "This is an emotional, psychological experience. Kid A sounds like a clouded brain trying to recall an alien abduction" or this god-awful-simile-laden gem of a sentence "The primal, brooding guitar attack of "Optimistic" stomps like mating Tyrannosaurs" or this one, the line which trumps all else hands down: "It's an album of sparking paradox. It's cacophonous yet tranquil, experimental yet familiar, foreign yet womb-like, spacious yet visceral, textured yet vaporous, awakening yet dreamlike, infinite yet 48 minutes", phew the sheer originality of that line is mind boggling! The only adjective missing is 'poignant' and we would have been obliged to give the author the Nobel peace prize, for that sentence alone would single handedly bring peace to the entire world and solve Africa's food problems due to its sheer awesomeness.

Have you swallowed something poisonous and need to induce vomiting ?
or do you need an abortion and there isn't a coat hanger nearby, or maybe you just want to bleed from your eyes and go completely insane, if any of this is for you, then just read the article or any other article on the said site, and your problems are all history.

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Oh, also, sorry for that boing boing link, I hate that shite site too, it is just that I am too lazy to search for a better one, and that was the first result that Google threw at me when I typed 'internet tubes'.

15 comments:

Divya said...

lol, i've read the exact same article about radiohead as part of my music project research! i'd bookmarked it cause it was a once in a lifetime article! it hurts my brain to even look at it! :D

pavithra muthalagan said...

ha ha the best line was definitely: The human part of me wept in awe. hideously hilarious.

pavithra muthalagan said...

i skimmed :D

or 'pretentious need to use at least five big words per sentence' part of me...

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