Thursday, February 14, 2013


I usually like to start off slowly. I keep my best bits for later. I shall start the first actual post on my blog about Pakistan by telling you why exactly I want to write about it, especially since the irony isn't lost on me as I claim to be averse to being obsessed with your enemy, like Pakistan is with India.

Why do I choose Pakistan? Leaving aside the usual reasons, the fact remains that there is no other country in the world that comes this close to weaving a national framework, apparatus and ideology that so closely mimics, metaphysically speaking of course, a freaking Train Wreck, no let's say it's like the Hindenberg crash all over again but this time in color, with footage from inside the ship and audio of screaming people as it collapses and with Herbert Morrison uttering the famous 'Oh the humanity, it's...Ah...ohh...' but in high def. Dolby audio. The degree of verisimilitude is breathtaking and this is the clincher. I will write about Pakistan because I am fascinated at how Millions of people can shoot themselves in the foot all together and with such efficacy all while blaming their neighbors and crying to their mommy for help.

Have you ever seen one of those compilation videos on Youtube? You know the 3 hour long videos featuring car crashes, or plane crashes? Have you sat and watched one and gone, 'why the fuck would you drive that way, no wonder you are going to crash'? Or 'Slam the truck's brakes motherfucker or you'll crash into the old lady being helped across the busy street by that blind albino orphan puppy!'

I have, and the reason I watch is to see how accidents are caused and to avoid making the same mistakes they did but also to see why I'd never have a crash that way because I don't do idiotic things while driving like that. The latter reason is why I am so excited about writing about Pakistan. It just confuses me that the country does things that even the most inexperienced moron on the street such as myself can see that some of the things they do are just plain retarded, so you can forget about the people who get to practice statecraft every day of the week on a professional level. Mind you, I am not talking about Indian politicians here, they are as retarded as their Pakistani counterparts and infinitely more dishonest giving the Pakis yet another art to learn from us conniving Hindoos, it's just that the auxiliary state machinery in our country is a teeny bit more potent and does somewhat of a passable job as a check and balance to the Govt.

If I have to tell you that that country is a loony bin, and this comes as a surprise to you, you should probably stop reading me and read some current affairs in that country and some news on the geopolitical affairs in our region of the world, then come back. So, imagine my surprise when the whole of Pakistan recently came together as one nation under Islam and tackled what is surely one of the greatest if not greatest problems facing their society this side of the millenium. The problem in question is regarding one of their bigger provinces: The Sind. They have finally gone in and unanimously voted to add an 'H' to the end of 'Sind'

I might as well stop the blog, throw in my towel, donate my money to charity and take up sanyas, as this move... will obviously solve EVERYTHING!

The 'H' here purportedly alludes to the 'Hijab', a female ninja dress found in the Sindh usually worn by those that cannot be trusted to keep their panties on and their pussies dry when they sight a male in their vicinity.

It alludes to the 'Hadiths' one of the pillars of the benign Islamic religion practiced by 99% of the Sindh's people with such peaceful lines as:

"Kill the unbeliever, behead him where you see him, unless he repents and agrees to join our divine cult in which case, he can have four wives, marry girls as young as nine, have complete control over his owned women possessions, behead them or stone them depending upon popular vote when she has an affair, and get her jailed for allowing him to rape her and get 72 more once he dies fighting everyone who doesn't agree with us" - V. 4 Ch. 20

The 'H' also stands for 'Haraam' which is anything that pisses off god such as the following abominations: Sanity, Sense of Proportion, Free Speech, Infidels breathing air made by the Islamic god, Kittens, Unicorns and delicious Bacon.

It also stands for 'Halaal' as in the perfectly justified means of killing animals for consumption in the most gory and painful way (Painful for the animal at least) possible. You know what they say, more pain, means tastier meat, and a happier sky-pedophile, amirite?

It stands for 'Houris' as in the 72 virile and virtuous virgins vouchsafing the vicious vices of the Sindhi shuhada and doing carnal things-things that are illegal down there. Or 72 Raisins, depending on the translation. I am sure the good people of Sindh won't mind as both these commodities i.e pretty virgin girls and food are a luxury in Sindh and the whole of the country anyway..

It is therefore a good day in Pakistan that all of these things will now always be remembered every time someone sees that 'H' at the end of Sindh.

And by the grace of god, this will fix ALL of Pakistan's problems once and for all.

Jai Hind!

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