Sunday, July 19, 2009

Visa part 2

So, where was I? Ah yes, I believe I was trying to show you how hard it is being me. Continuing from where I left off; So I am in the aircraft and I can see that this is not going to be the normal kind of flight, the people in this flight are mostly first time fliers or something, because every aspect of the plane seems to be fascinating them. Ever seen 60 year old grandmas with stained and or missing front teeth, going gaga-googoo over the scenery outside the window? all while standing in their aisle seats during takeoff? it is not a pretty sight folks. And for some reason, they all have shaved heads. Paranoia kicks in, what if these are the adherents of some obscure sex cult... what if they decide to release Sarin in the flight? or have an orgy, holy sweet mother of god, I think I would prefer that the plane just crash on its own.

I am sure there is no way they could have detected this sort of a plan, not in a country like India at least. And what do you know... the air hostess who was rude to me, is now struggling to make them remain seated. I am sitting in the last row, which according to my crazy crash phobic mind is the safest row in the aircraft. As soon as the pilot switches off the seat belt sign, fourteen, yeah you heard it right 14 of these middle aged, men and women, none of whom, save one, knows English, come to the back of the plane and make a line to use the loo. Now either their body functions are in sync, or they all couldn't wait to see what happens when you piss in an aircraft, does it fall down, hurtling through space striking random unfortunate old ladies [yeah, yeah, you must all have seen it, that image of a lady impaled by a yellow 'stick' purportedly frozen urine from an aircraft] just like our good old railways does it. Their motto: "Out of sight; Out of mind." Probably.



One gentleman looking especially lost, calls the air hostess. And then proceeds to ask her when the plane would land at Santa Cruz. And of the 40 or so people who heard it, I was the only one who burst out laughing. What is this? do we Indians lack a sense of humor? How the hell does one board the wrong plane? She then dutifully explains that the plane is in fact going to Delhi and not Bombay.

2 and a half Hours and many circles of Delhi later, our plane gets clearance to land on the new runway that opened recently, it is one of the longest in Asia, but do we have any cause for cheers? No! because it takes the plane another 15 minutes to reach the terminal from there. Now imagine this. The plane is taxiing, and its a bumpy ride, there are turns that need to be executed, and my awesome co-passengers are celebrating their return to hallowed Terra-firma by disregarding all safety procedures, one is trying to open the overhead compartment, endangering the heads of the passengers below, he gets a firm scolding and retreats amidst our laughter, all of them are calling up their homes to inform them that the plane has landed. Another line is forming for the the last chance at going to the 'plane toilet.'

Boy am I glad to be back on ground, ah, Delhi is a relaxing 35 DEGREES CELSIUS!!! in the middle of the monsoon. They open the aircraft door and hot air starts rushing in, trying to impress its dominance upon us mere mortals. What the hell am I doing here? I haven't been to Delhi in 14 years and I feel like I am a foreigner the minute I step out of the airport. To be continued...

3 comments:

Slippery Reflections said...

hehe, funny!
but ipods!

JerryKantrell said...

Why, thank you Slippery!

Ritesh Ranjan said...

man, what a flight.....was it going to some Kumbha Mela or something?....14 people in quue for toilet, hahaha....office mein hun, otherwise I'd burst into laughter......please continue...