Wednesday, February 11, 2009

FYIAAK

Now, we all know that Christian Bale is my favorite actor. He lost a staggering 63 pounds for his role in 'The Machinist'- one of my favorite films of all time. BUT. We have our own little Mr. perfect- Amir Khan. Who is like a chameleon, even. With a slight change in his hairstyle, and physique, he transforms into the character he plays. Not to mention that his oh-so-original idea of not attending any award shows automatically makes him worthy of an award, alas, he will probably skip this award too.

As a respected and world-renowned blogger cum social commentator extraordinaire, I was invited exclusively to interview Mr Amir on his latest movie. If you thought that losing 63 pounds was a cataclysmic transformation, wait till you hear what Amir has managed to pull off for his latest movie- which people say is a liberal re-imagining of the critically acclaimed box office hit Marley & me. Here is a sneak peak at the transcript of the interview.


(
Me: So, Mr Amir Khan, how are we feeling today?

AK: I am fine thank you except I feel a little itchy. Could you scratch my back please?

Me: Ummm... Okay, I guess!
[I scratch his back, although I am not too pleased]

Me: So how did you land the part in the movie and what is it called?

AK: It is called Marley Aur Mai. And I play the part of Marley, the adorable but neurotic Labrador Retriever. I was initially approached to play the Owen Wilson part, but I realized that playing the part of the canine was more fun and definitely more challenging. Plus you see I am always looking towards perfection, and this is a great opportunity for me.

Me: Huh huh, huh huh, I see, but how did you manage to turn into a Labrador Retriever? You see, although I am sold, we have some smart cynical people reading my blog, and they would be skeptical so as to the possibility of such a transformation. [Do not worry folks, I have some snaps that he was kind enough to let me take, I shall post them here.]

AK: Oh, that was easy, I went about it in steps. First, came the sex change, as the director felt that a female dog would resonate better with the audience. Next, came the actual process of turning into a dog. I just closed my eyes, concentrated really hard and voila! I then became a dog, because **** you, I am Aamir mother****ing Khan man, I can do what I ****ing want, yeah?
[at this point he started pushing me with his paws and growling at me. I can't believe he touched me, I am so lucky!!!]

Me: Okay, and what advice do you have for your young fans and the aspiring actors in the industry?

AK: Woof!
[oops, I directed my question at Scotch my pet Labrador instead of AK, yeah, his transformation is that good]

Me: One last question, what do you have to say about your detractors? who say that your talent is merely mediocre and that it is amplified only because of the lack of any real talent in the industry like that saying about the one eyed man in the country of the blind, it was Erasmus I think; who came up with that one, and also, that not attending the award shows is a gimmick?

AK: Oh I am not going to dignify their comments by saying anything? Instead, I am going to bite those b*****ds in the ****ing crotch, and p**p all over their lawns. Also, can you scratch my ears please?

contd...)


Aamir khan in his new avatar, striking a pose for the readers of Karbage.



AK and Scotch chilling out at Hyderabad beach.

And so, here ends another post. Until next time, stay safe weird people who read weird blogs for kicks.

This is karbage, signing off.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

ab AK ne kya kar diya..

Slippery Reflections said...

beach! on saturday! yay! and i didn't know christian bale was your favourite actor!

ashwinxn said...

I think you should sell his poop on Ebay to pay your tuition.

JerryKantrell said...

whoa! bad image, bad image, oh my god, fade! fade!

Sandeep said...

ROFL!! :) Nice post!

JerryKantrell said...

@sandeep: thanks man, finally someone who finds me funny.

You have good taste my friend ;)