Thursday, December 20, 2007

The Secret

I tried, I honestly tried to watch "The Secret" in its entirety, and I failed miserably. I gave up after about 49 minutes.

What is 'The Secret' ?
Well, its a DIY existence that seems to metaphorically defenestrate all logic and reason. What it is, is the worst cockamamie bullshit you can ever hear, it is so bad, you need one of those rhyming word duets to describe it like mumbo-jumbo or hocus-pocus, or in this case: hairy donkey balls.
It sits right up there along with the ideas\things which constitute the apex of human stupidity, such as 'God', 'Scientology','religion','universal suffrage','Lawyers','George W. Bush', 'Emo kids', 'pop music' yadda yadda.

An example of how it is supposed to 'work':

Lets say you want something, it could be anything, maybe something materialistic like a bigger dick or something less concrete, say, the intelligence to laugh at any suggestions of 'The secret' as being 'real'. All you have to do to achieve that is think about it, feel happy while doing it and imagine yourself already in possession of that thing in question. This is where the 'Law of Attraction' comes into the scene. The Law... of ... attraction... ? which is apparently the reason why things happen to a person, because he\she attracts it. Are these guys serious ? it makes about as much sense as do the wings on L Ron Hubbards DC-8 lookalike space ships.So the universe will set about granting your wish\fantasy, because, presumably it has nothing better to do. And lo behold, your object of fantasy falls into your lap to give you that blowjob you had hoped for... er yes, if this were Lalaland and I were a gay butt fairy.

This is their 3 step process:

1) ask (what you want)
2) answer (The Universe will give you what you want)
3) receive (Be in the state of mind and you will receive what you want)

This is from the documentary, I am not making this shit up.

Need I de-construct it more ? I don't think so.

Some Miss South Carolina level 'gems' I found in the documentary, followed by my comments:

'thoughts become things' - yeah I would have been humping Scandinavian blondes by the dozen right about now, if that were true

'law of Attraction is the most powerful force in the world' - Yeah, the only hangup being that it is NOT real!

'No one really knows what electricity is' - Yes, we do.

'your emotions, help you to understand what you are thinking' - gee, thanks for enlightening me on that one, who could ever have thought.

'you can start to feel the love that is around you even if it is not there
and what will happen is that the universe will correspond to the nature of your song' - Who are you ? Charles Manson ?

'thoughts are sending out that magnetic signal drawing the parallel back to you' - wait is me who is typing this or is it my thoughts ? do my thoughts get to vote ? parallel what parallel ? What channel is this: god TV ?

Or leave it to Mark Day\Davis and his Scottish accent to drill it into your heads:

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