Incredibly absurd India. Part 1.

India.

My Great Country!

4000 3000 7000 heck I don't know lets just say 6000 years old!

'invented' the zero

Future Economic power

Largest Democracy

Friendly People

Let me show you a glimpse of my glorious India, the 'bulund bharat' the land of peace and prosperity. The one that people like Max Mueller and Francois Gautier fell in love with. The land of non-violence, where kids respect their elders and women are treated like gods, where the gods are merciful and the water; clear. Let us see what people have done to it.

Now, it will be impossible to have a comprehensive list of all the things that I want to talk about so I will focus on the ones that come to mind and will add the rest as they arrive. I don't get paid to write this, but I want you to read it. I want it to enter the collective conscious.

1) Athiti devo Bhava

Which is in sanskrit, that almost meta-physical language, the devbhash: the language of the gods, an almost purely synthetic language with an astonishingly modern structure to its grammar, it translates to this: "The Guest is equivalent to God" or something similar. My high school Sanskrit is quite weak as I studied it for just two years in Mangalore.

This saying is a part of the national identity, we are proud of this fact and realize that it is an uncommon sentiment, one that merits admiration from the rest of the peoples of the world. Heck, we even welcomed the Central Asian hoards who basically pillaged the entire subcontinent for a few hundred years.

That we still follow this tenet is remarkable, I have placed a map below to illustrate how we put this ancient, nay! over 6000 year old principle to practical use, thereby cementing our nation's place as one of the leaders of the future:



This is a map which shows the states that have the tourist police stationed there. Tourist police who? I don't really know, I had never heard of them, apparently they do exist. All of these states reported Cases of Rape and Molestation of Tourists in 2008, this does not mean that the other states did not. The article that I 'borrowed' it from states that the 'tourist police' is quite impotent or shall I say 'spunkless?'

Remember Bittu Mohanty? the rapist son of a DGP of police who raped a German Woman and then skipped bail? Whatever happened to him? I guess he must be stalking some other tourist to have his way with. A cursory search on google gives the following results:


No less than the Supreme Court of our country moved to stay his father's arrest, even though he was the one who posted his son's bail and I assume that he would have given some sort of surety. So there, fuck you OJ, we can do the same here in India.

Interesting to note is the result at the bottom which tries to make it look like the case was blown out of proportion just because of the victim's skin color, because you see, otherwise, getting raped is no big deal. Try telling that to the families of the victims.


Awww... Don't call it rape, it is not rape, we here in the department like to call it 'surprise sex' It is harmless, really and besides those white women were asking for it. Also, see this train? do you know why its windows are shut? * wink* * wink*


Perhaps the ultimate clincher for the police is the peculiarly Indian; experience, wherein the second one sees a policeman, one starts to feel guilty. And if you are involved in an incident when one decides to arrive, then god help you.

Amusing Anecdote #1: The other day, a drunk man entered our garden to lie down. After repeated attempts to evict him proved futile and instead made him belligerent, I called the police number 100. The guy picked up after 2 minutes and upon my explanation, said that he would send the police and cut the call before I had a chance to tell him my address. And that was it. They never came. Or they went to someone else's home.

Dust Dog

Warning! : Dry philosophical subject matter(with an emphasis on movies), do not read if easily bored.

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I have never liked Dustin Hoffman for a whole lot of reasons, including but not limited to say, His humongous nose which looks like it's big enough to hide a jumbo fucking jet in, or his completely accurate portrayal of a savant in Rain Man which I somehow see in every performance of his.

But all that changed when I saw Sam Peckinpah's 'Straw Dogs' a few days ago, Sam Peckinpah is the sort of guy who makes the likes of 'Brad Pitt' or 'Ben Affleck' look like 8 year old girls with an infatuation for NKOTB when compared to the tough guys in his films. Obviously this tends to polarize his viewers with an even split between his rabid critics and his rabid fans, I belong to the latter.

What is so frightening about the movie is the fact that the fate that Hoffman's character suffers may very well be inflicted on any one without exception. Here is a quick list of the things that go wrong in his characters life;

1) He is a bespectacled American mathematician
2) His hot English Wife likes to show off her hot body to the local repairmen
3) She cheats on her husband with one of the said repairman
4) Due to complications of that tryst, she is raped by another
5) She doesn't reveal this to him
6) Due to an entirely unrelated turn of events, the same repairmen try to kill him, while his wife sides with the enemy
7) The guys attack his house, destroying it completely
8) All of this because he does what he feels is right.

Now, imagine this kind of a thing happening to you, and I can see why you would think twice before taking up mathematics, being Dustin Hoffman, marrying an English woman or even going anywhere near England.

This has got to be the most sympathized character ever played in history!, and to think that all his character wanted to do, was write a book on mathematics.

The movie is one of those which will have you wondering at the nihilism inherent in society which drives the otherwise cowardly mathematician to shoot\stab\pummel\tie\burn 5 thugs to death.

Add to this the meta-Irony of the director being labeled Misogynistic and misanthropic, and the movie is bound to be a difficult one to watch. So if you are tired of watching man-boys like 'Mathew McConaughey' or 'Will Smith' make fools of us all in mega-blockbusters, then this is the movie for you.

A girl once asked me why I equate real life to movies ? She was of the opinion that they weren't related, She was wrong. When they are not related, it isn't art, it's pornography.

Dread and the restless mind.

I love the blistering summer.
because it makes even plain water taste like heaven.

And you know what scares me most about death ?
that after it happens, I will stop being me.

A wasted opportunity is the saddest thing in the world,
for what is done is done and can never be undone.

Suicide. Mine.

My last Farewell.

I gave up today. I just did. Personally I found this strange because I always though that I would experience a life changing event, if at all, and that that would eventually push me over the edge, a disaster that sucks your 'will to live' and leaves you barren. It never came, I just found myself bored and unmotivated one fine day, while I played a song on my guitar, and that is when it struck me that life, for me, had lost its sheen. Quite a bummer actually, but what can you do ?

It has always 'rained' in my head. I would, all the time, feel the presence of ominous gray clouds ready to dampen any sunny thoughts I'd have. But I always figured that it would get better. I'd tell myself that it would pass and leave me be. I can't do that anymore I can't pretend, everything seems so sad and just pathetic, and I know that things will only get worse. Like an unexpected death. Why do I feel that you won't be laughing at this joke of mine ?

When I was younger I had naively thought that when I grew up, and became a 'grown up' I'd have all the answers, there would be no more dark places where you didn't know what kind of danger or happiness lurked, but I was wrong. Growing up only made things worse and more complicated. And the worst part of all of this was when I realized that I had become an adult, and that I actually liked being a kid. Too bad we can't turn back time.

I gave up hope today, that hackneyed overused concept which paradoxically enough is not often mentioned, yeah, the same 'hope' that blinds us to live, to kill, to hate, to wish, to smile. Maybe we are all scared that we'll jinx it by talking about it.

My last wish is that when it finally does happen, my life flashes before my eyes as they often say it does. And then... I won't know what hit me

This is what I want.
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Listening to 'Llorando' - Rebekah Del Rios


Warning - First of all, this is fiction, so take it lightly. Secondly, this a depressive post, do not read if you are bothered by such things.
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Disclaimer - Truth be told, I never intended to write this disclaimer for the post that is to follow. The very purpose of the 'letter' was to see how people would react. I wanted it to be a sort of 'shock' because generally, people think that events out of the blue only happen to other people. Never to themselves or to the people they know and I wanted to see how you'd react, but then, I feared that I might be accused of resorting to a cheap trick, a gimmick to increase my 'readership' if such a nonsensical thing doth exist, and if so whether it would be possible to expand something beyond its natural seams. If I start explaining everything, then I am afraid that my fucking disclaimer will grow to be bigger than the post, sort of like how the trailer for a movie always looks cool, but the real thing turns out to be a damp squib leaving you hugely disappointed at the end.
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Deus Ex.

cæruleus: Hey did you see this play 'om pax pacis om' ?

Victorus: Nah ! I hate that writer.

cæruleus: No man, you should watch this one. It is good

Victorus: It is easy to be popular nowadays man, I have a great idea for a play.

cæruleus:yeah ?

Victorus: Yeah, all you got to do is write one on a subject which can't be criticized. say a retarded kid, or a Paraplegic Veteran. Something which people trying to act cool and appear sensitive, will want to watch. You know something which will make anyone, who criticizes it, look like an inconsiderate, uncouth, and insensitive brute.

cæruleus: Haha, yeah, and his friends will have a ball, criticizing his lack of sensitivity.

Victorus: There you go. SO then you make something bad happen to the character. Bring in a Patriarchal figure, you know... one who will guide the Retard and make a hero out of him. The feminists aren't to surface for a few hundred years anyway.

cæruleus: Hey! aren't you killing this dialogue with your anachronisms ?

Victorus: Aren't you breaking the fourth wall, a forbidden act, a non-sequitur ? you think the audience; the gods, will forgive you ?

cæruleus: Touche! pussy cat. But the gods are benevolent, One is a shade of Blue, she 'd care not for a non-sequitur, another is a circular snack eaten on a particular day apparently he doth manifest himself in me, Another is the sun, he is in transit.They observe, and they judge, but, he who controls us, is filthy, that is his name.

Victorus: Are you high ? Peyote ?

cæruleus: No, so go on.

Victorus: Yeah and then you make the retard overcome astronomical odds maybe add a Montage in there somewhere, and then the retard emerges victorious at the end. You will be able to fill an ocean with the tears you will make the audience churn out. And to top it off, give it a name which suggests many layers of depth like 'astro humus'* or something intangible and totally unrelated to the plot like 'niger'#

cæruleus: The public is stupid eh ?

Victorus: yup.

cæruleus: So, why don't you ?

Victorus: It's been done a million times already.

cæruleus: Hang on, waiter! another amphora please.

---Notes---
* Grammatically incorrect Latin for 'stars on the ground'
# Latin for 'Black'
Amphora: A vessel that people in Rome, keep wine in.
The writer wishes to say that he is not the kind of person to make fun of retarded people, he uses 'retard' here to signify how the ordinary man views them. As some 'thing' to have pity on. As if somehow, due to ill fortune, they deserve our contempt.

Send me pictures.

Here is something I had written a long time back. It is a poem, I remembered it while writing my previous post. Luckily I had stored it on my system. It has similar despair driven lines, I hope it doesn't put you off. Dedicated to the many 2 people who usually take the time to comment. You know who you are.


Gloria.

Even blistering pain feels better than the silence of death.
An unwavering gaze at so insignificant a scene.
He tells a story of lives past and beautiful mystery
And she will leave, as she always does.

He lies awake at night, to try and feel the misery.
There is not a soul he can turn to.
A flurry of notes, pale and tinged with sorrow.
A solitary tear trickles down his cheek and glimmers.

He dreads leaving her, to face the odds alone.
Wishes he could make a fair trade, A fare trade.
Despair, it won't work! A man dances in glee.
So he lies, and tries to buy some time.

The others. They say 'yes', he still has some hope!
'Hope, God, redemption, Happin...wait, it can't be. '
Its too good to be true. Then they laugh, and he rages
They knew all along. They pitied his stupidity.

And lo behold!, She was gone.
And lo behold!, She was gone again.


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Listening to Spitleaf - Zero

'I have a magnetic personality, I repel women.' - SiegerKranz Meer